51 Relationship Lessons

51 Relationship Lessons We Learned Being in Love for 23 Years

Not just in lives of celebrities, look around and you’ll see that relationships are falling apart everywhere. In no way, I’m judging those couples. But somehow society is accepting break up & move on as a trend rather than putting effort to have a long term successful relationship. That’s why I decided to share some lessons I learned in my life about relationship. I hope it helps some people to improve & heal their relationships. Download Free eBook.

Who are we to share ‘Relationship Lessons’?

I guess I can give a few gyan or two on relationship, that’s because I was blessed to meet my love on the first day of my primary school (yup too much filmy, but true). It’s been 25 years since then. (We’re 28 in 2016 btw) Don’t think that it was fairy tale always. We lost each other several times in all these years, but glad to always find ourselves back together. Yes, we’ll thank our fortune for sure, but we worked hard too. To improve ourselves as individuals and as couple. Giving up was never an option for us, no matter what. Khushi could have written this better I suppose, because she deserves more credit. While I showed up with my brighter side to the world, she is the only one in this universe who has seen my darkest sides. And trust me it’s not easy to love someone so much for so long even after knowing all his demons. Forever grateful to her.

Not only from my personal experience, but I’ve always been very observant on relationships around me. That’s why I could learn from many broken and successful relationships throughout my life. And for last 9 years, counseling people from different ages & different type of relationships. That also gave quite a deep perspective on relationships.

51 Relationship Lessons

So here are the lessons I learned:

  1. Relationship is among the most important assets in your life. If it gets fucked up (sorry couldn’t find better word), your life will be bitter no matter what else you achieve.
  2. It’s worth investing time to learn about relationship. You got time to learn useless subjects in schools & colleges, then why can’t you have some time to learn about relationship?
  3. Take time to say I Love You, but mean it when you say it.
  4. It’s easy to fall in love, but it takes real strength and self discipline to keep loving the same person forever.
  5. Love yourself first and most. You’ll put less pressure on your partner then.
  6. Expect less and appreciate more.
  7. What shines isn’t always gold. The tempting person may not be the suitable lifepartner for long term.
  8. Get impressed more by actions, than by romantic words. Fall in love, but don’t be fooled in love.
  9. Two disturbed individuals can’t build a stable & peaceful relationship. Work on yourself first. Read books like You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. Flipkart Amazon
  10. Changing partner isn’t always the solution. Haven’t you heard “Why do I always get jerks as boyfriends/bitches as girlfriends” ? . Changing ourselves is the solution.
  11. Never get into a relationship when you are too low. You may not like the person when you get back to your full spirit. And that breaks your partner completely.
  12. Don’t ever pretend to be who you are not, for the sake of starting/continuing a relationship. You can’t continue living a lie forever.
  13. Please let go of your impression of relationship between your parents. If it’s great, your high expectation will frustrate your partner. If it’s terrible, your worry will always attract dysfunctional relationships.
  14. Your relationship is unique. Don’t compare it with anyone else’s.
  15. Love your partner most when he/she least deserves it. Because that’s when he/she needs it most.
  16. Understand the difference in psychology between Men and Women. Accept it and respect it rather than trying to force your partner to behave in a way that is against their nature. Read “Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus” by Dr John Gray. Flipkart Amazon
  17. Every great relationships had their struggles. Similarly every struggling relationship can work out, if there is real love & patience.
  18. Please get properly educated about intimacy & sex. It’s neither what’s shown in porn, nor the way it’s treated in our society – as something taboo, something you can’t talk about in open.
  19. Having a legal or social agreement named ‘marriage’ to keep a love-less relationship together is worse than break up or divorce. Don’t let your tradition/ religion/ society fool you about that.
  20. If you have a feelings for someone, let him/her know. Honest and clear. Don’t wait for the right time.
  21. Your relationship preference is completely yours – marriage or live in / monogamy or polygamy. Just make sure your partner believes in the same.
  22. Be completely honest with your partner. Absolutely no lies.
  23. If your partner isn’t loving you in a way you want, that doesn’t mean that he/she isn’t doing the best he/she can.
  24. Be yourself and encourage your partner to be himself/herself. Love your partner for who they are.
  25. If you need to change your partner or yourself to keep the relationship, then it’s probably not right for you. Improving yourselves is great, but not changing who you truly are.
  26. Don’t make ‘pleasing you’ the primary duty of your partner. Learn to make yourself happy.
  27. Have something in your life, you are passionate about. Encourage your partner to have the same.
  28. Listen. Really listen. Not just with ear, but with mind, body & soul.
  29. Don’t guess. Don’t assume. Talk to your partner in case of any confusion.
  30. Your partner like watching TV but you hate it, rather prefer to read books? Give your partner space to do what he/she likes that you don’t like. Use that time to do what you love. Otherwise high probability of arguments.
  31. Ego and love can’t stay together. It’s okay to lose the argument to win your partner’s heart.
  32. Resist the urge to reply / correct/ advise/ judge/ suggest … when your partner is upset. Just be there for him/her.
  33. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Express your love in words more often please. Increase frequency as relationship gets older.
  34. Genuine hugs & kisses can bring abrupt peace in your love war. Use it wisely. Otherwise get slapped.
  35. Don’t let your relationship get old, typical and boring. Keep it spicy always. Less risk of your partner getting attracted to fast food outside.
  36. Don’t ever take your partner for granted. If you have somone who truly loves you, treat that person like your universe.
  37. Only purpose of your relationship is not to produce kids to take your family name forward ( as mostly suggested by elders & our society). So don’t give birth to a new life before both of you being prepared for it.
  38. Plan some career where you can spend more time with your partner than with your boss or secretary.
  39. Less financial worry, more relieved relationship.
  40. Don’t ever speak ill of your partner’s family ( even when your partner is mad at them. He/she will forget what he/she said about them, but won’t forget what you said).
  41. Don’t let any third person interfere in your relationship.
  42. Don’t start teling the world about your love story just after meeting your partner for the first time/ first kiss/ … Give it some time please.
  43. Your real test of love isn’t in your agreements but rather in your disagreements.
  44. When you are most upset with your partner, ask yourself “Do I want to still live with this person?” If answer comes ‘yes!’, congrats buddy! You’ll be forever together. If answer comes ‘no’, wait for next day.

And here are some more valuable points Khushi is sharing with you all:

  1. It’s okay to compromise sometimes, but not sacrifice for whole life.
  2. What’s wrong in trying to love your partner’s preferences as long as that doesn’t contradict with yours?
  3. Both of you are from different families with different cultures. Accept it and respect it.
  4. Don’t neglect the most important person in your life – your partner, being busy in pleasing/serving other members of the family.
  5. Whenever you think about your relationship, practice thinking more about the good times you had with your partner. Don’t replay the bad tapes. You’ll attract more of what you most think about.
  6. Always share good qualities of your partner with others, never the bad qualities. (not even with your best friends or family). You can keep that to yourself and deal with that. Can’t you?
  7. Sometimes things go terribly wrong even in most perfect relationships. Don’t try to force a conclusion or solution at that very moment. Give it some time. Both of you take some space. Let your inner troubles settle a bit. If you two really love each other, nothing can break you apart.

Wow! Quite a long list! I hope you read till the end. ( Thanks!)

Lastly we’d love to say that Human are unpredictable, so is life. The only person who’ll be forever with you till your last breath is YOU. So make sure you develop a great relationship with yourself, loving & accepting yourself completely for who you are.

Dare to fall in love.You may not find the right person in your first relationship. Don’t lose hope or lose faith in love.

Instead of trying to find the perfect relationship, rather commit to growing together in love when you find your love. Never ever give up. Everything is worth to keep your love alive. 

Want to tweet some lessons?

[Tweet “Two disturbed individuals can’t build a stable & peaceful relationship. Work on yourself first. “]

[Tweet “Love your partner most when he/she least deserves it. Because that’s when he/she needs it most.”]

Now done. Tell us, loved it or hated it? Wanna add some points? Please do in the comment section. We’ll include the best ones in a blog post.


Update: Download 51 Relationship Lessons Free PDF eBook

Download 51 Relationship Lessons Free eBook

We know that you’d like to have these 51 Relationship Lessons always with you. To read offline, to read together with your partner, to share with someone who might find it useful. That’s why compiled these 51 lessons into a short beautiful free PDF ebook for you. Just share to get access to the download links.


Download from: OneDrive Google Drive Dropbox [/sociallocker]

Update: 17th January 2016

We wrote this post in Dec 2013. And universe tested our relationship again from April 2014 – August 2015. Our relationship went through the worst phase yet. Thought we’d lost each other. Shared some of those experiences in Year End Review 2014 post.  Glad we remembered what we learned in our time together (what we shared in this post). That helped us to get back together again. Glad we didn’t give up.

23 replies
  1. Amit Kumar says:

    Here’s another truth that… I Won’t be able to marry her …. But I would love her till that very moment….. And we are 6 to 7 hundred km. Apart … So we would meet rarely…

  2. Amit Kumar says:

    Here’s another truth that… I Won’t be able to marry her …. But I would love her till that very moment….. And we are 6 to 7 hundred km. Apart … So we would meet rarely…

  3. Sirin Dutta Chowdhury says:

    tui ektu guchhiye nis: 1) socially/academically/professionally parity dekhei relationship somporke optimistic howa thik na. tate anek somoy bhul relationship e joriye porte hoy OR disparity jukto kintu asadharon frequency match kore- erokom anek possibility amra explore korar agei ankure binash kore dei. 2) anek somoy erokom hoy, amader partner je kaj e bhoy pay, seta amra valobasi ba valo pari. eta amader ekta duty partner er ajante tar subconscious theke sei voy ta /inferiority/insecurity complex ta ber kore dewa. 3) long term relationship e thakar somoy, notun kore romance ignite kora dorkar jate thrill kome boredom na chole ase. tar jonyo majhe modhye nijeder modhyei ektu adhtu flirting/romantic date etc etc ja ja dorkar- korte hobe. 4) nijer family niye chhoto khato details share kora beshi effective than boro boro ghotona share kora. example: mayer kon ronger saree pochondo/ babar hobby ki etc etc. egulo partner er mone nijer ajantei ekta connectivity toiri kore. tar fole, eker kache anyer poribar jeno anektai apon hoye jete thake gradually. 5) nijer childhood memories joto details e sombhob share kora uchit. ete partner er mone amader proti affection anek beshi strong hoye jay. 6) partner jesob constructive change er suggestion dey, segulo legitimate mone hole adopt kora valo. ete amader betterment to hobei, as well as amader parents/near one rao realize korbe amader chemistry kotota constructive and perfect. ete family er torof theke acceptance pawa anektai easy hoye jay. ami eta bolchi na je family oppose korle break up korte hobe; but sobai mile jodi harmoniously sukhe dukkhe share care kore thaka jay, setar theke dreamy ki ar kichu hote pare? 🙂 p.s. egulo amar byaktigoto motamot, hoyto universally applicable nao hote pare .. 🙂

  4. Sanchita Banerjee says:

    Sourav ji ami valo achi… kolkata te I am interior designer nd I have a small business set up.. Thanks a lot to you… I still apply all that I have learnt from you sir. Believe me ami jodi aktu stand korte perechi aj then it’s just for your teachings and preachings. I am very greatful to you.

  5. Amit Kumar says:

    But she says that she don’t want relationship….
    And recently one of her friend hurted her a lot by abusing her and posting her pic with meaningless romantic lines…
    So she is saying that she won’t trust any boy anymore….

  6. Sourav Ghosh says:

    Dear Amit. Become financially strong. And if she loves you, she’ll either wait for you or will accompany you in the journey to be financially strong.
    Money is not the solution for all problems. But if you don’t have money problems, dealing other problems becomes much easier. 🙂

  7. Amit Kumar says:

    Really lessons are awesome….
    But I have a problem….
    The girl whom I love wants a boy who financially strong….
    I’m not so strong financially….and don’t wanna hurt her…
    But I love her… Wanna be with her….
    Help me out please….

  8. Sourav Ghosh says:

    Long time Sanchitaji! Glad you liked it and thank you for those kind words.
    Keman acho ki korcho ekhon? Personal profile e connect koro, galpo habe. 🙂

  9. Sanchita Banerjee says:

    It’s always a great feeling to go through your posts sir.. May you both stay together forever to inspire me.. And keep writing I just long to go through them… Thanks a lot.. today whatever I am it’s because of you Sourav ji.. God bless you both.. you are a true inspiration.

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